Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I pity the cold and withered heart that doesn't quicken at the very notion of a film entitled Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. I can't imagine the psyche that doesn't thrill to the idea of a Timur Bekmanbetov (of Night Watch) vampire movie that combines the Lincoln-Douglas Debates, Harriett Tubman and the Underground Railroad, and the Battle of Gettysburg into a thrilling, funny, and action-packed hour and forty-five minutes of Historic Undead Battlin' Action. Why, of course Jefferson Davis was in cahoots with the Vampire Nation all along. Of course Mary Todd Lincoln used a Springfield Rifle to put silver bullets through undead foreheads. Of course Abraham Lincoln, rail-splitter in his youth, could handle a silver axe like Bruce Lee of the Frontier.

And of course Rufus Sewell, who was a marvelous villain in The Illusionist, is a 5000 year old Alpha Vampire who just wants freedom for his people. I mean, whom would you cast?

Oh, how I loved this movie. Benjamin Walker is the Young Mister Lincoln Henry Fonda only wished he could have been. Alan Tudyk, who hit a home run with Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, is the perfect is-he-or-isn't-he Stephen A. Douglas. Mary Elizabeth Winstead is, well, {sigh}.

But y'know what? A clever idea and a terrific cast only get you so far. It's all in the execution, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter succeeds beyond all expectations. This isn't a one-joke exercise in meta-irony. Rather, Bekmanbetov plays the material completely straight, creating a full-throated horror-themed action-adventure and a tribute to the ideals of the actual President who saved the Union. Somehow, this complements his film's inherent ridiculousness. As the viewer, we don't think, "Ah, how amusing. There's Lincoln working on the Gettysburg Address while fighting the undead." Rather, we think, "Wow! Look at that stuntwork! I never thought you could do that with an axe, but I do now! Lincoln is awesome!" Then he delivers the Gettysburg Address and we cry because, doggone it, it's the Gettysburg Address and we believe in it. And still, we grin because, c'mon, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

There are films out there so delightful, so unexpectedly good, that they make us want to grab our friends by the lapels and shake them until they agree to rent them. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is one of those films. See it and rejoice.

Live Free or Die Hard

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is the best "Die Hard" movie since the original.

Yeah, I read all the bellyaching about this being "Die Hard in Name Only." Y'know what? I don't care. I don't care about the sanctity of the John McLane character. I don't care about the formulae used in previous outings. Just tell me a story. And while you're at it, blow some stuff up.

LIVE FREE tells me a story. And it blows lots of stuff up. The scenario is actually one that folks in government worry about a lot: an orchestrated cyber attack on the US that locks up our transportation, shuts down our financial networks, and eliminates communication. Granted, LIVE FREE embellishes the magnititude and drama of such a scenario, but it also features a guy shooting down a helicopter with a car. Not in a car - with a car. So that more than makes up for it. While this is happening, McClane must "get the guy to the place," a reliable quest formula well in keeping with storytelling tradition. Speaking of storytelling traditions, this film departs from previous "Die Hard" movies in that John McLean has gone from the modernist, vulnerable American hero model to the near-invincible Northern European version. He's Beowulf with male pattern baldness, and that's ok. Did I mention that he shoots down another helicopter with hydrant water? There's also some stuff in there about reconciling with his daughter (Mary Elizabeth Winstead, an actress with a long career ahead of her) and helping the Guy He's Got to Get to the Place find his inner hero. Oh, and he leaps from a collapsing structure onto a moving Joint Strike Fighter and essentially surfs the thing all the way to the deck. Awesome.

LIVE FREE seamlessly combines CGI with practical stunts. It has well-choreographed fights and action set-pieces. Justin Long does his schtick, but it hasn't worn out yet. Timothy Olyphant, while no Alan Rickman, makes for a fine villain. The whole zips right along, and, even at 130 minutes, I never once looked at my watch. If you like stuff blowing up real good, and you like the Northern European heroic tradition, and you like the idea of a guy finishing off a deadly villain by crashing an SUV into her in a an elevator shaft, this movie is for you.

It was for me.

Death Proof

Kurt Russell, often the best thing about whichever movie he’s in, is easily the best thing about DEATH PROOF, Quentin Tarantino’s half of the GRINDHOUSE experiment. As the homicidal Stuntman Mike, he’s as charming, creepy, scary, pathetic, and just plain fun a villain as you could ask for. And he’s giving us this role in a film that defies narrative convention, dazzles with great practical stunts, and makes for a great time at the movies.

Here’s the deal: Stuntman Mike’s into vehicular homicide, using his superlative driving and technical skills to kill his female victims. When he targets a vehicle carrying stuntwomen, however, things don’t go his way.

And that’s pretty much it. The rest is a fun and creative misdirection gambit and an extraordinary sequence of stunts in, on, around, and with cars. It’s exciting, vibrant work, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Bring on more evil Kurt Russell!

Sky High

I enjoyed the heck out of SKY HIGH.

SKY HIGH's hero is one Will Stronghold, a young man born of superhero parents whose power, it seems, is his ability to look just like an adolescent Scott Bakula. It's Will's first day of superhero high school, and he hasn't yet manifested powers cool enough to elevate him above "sidekick." That's the least of his problems, however. He has to make friends; find his way; handle a new enemy; and choose between the unbelievably hot Gwen, a sexually aggressive girl with super-techno powers, and Layla, the reasonably attractive childhood friend who's good with plants. Hmm, tough call: do you go with the knockout who builds cool gadgets and wants to jump your bones, or the proto-hippie who can, uhh, grow fruit? My answer: I went to the wrong high school.

One of SKY HIGH's pleasures is its cast. From a perfectly cast Kurt Russell as Pa Stronghold/The Commander to Kelly Preston, Cloris Leachman, Bruce Campbell, Kevin Heffernan, and Lynda Carter, this movie can afford to coast by on goodwill alone. It doesn't, whoever, boasting instead a clever script, excellent effects, and a pleasing, consistent palette.

Did I love SKY HIGH? No, I can't say that I did. The heavier stuff tends to exercise a firmer hold on my imagination. Did the movie make for an enjoyable family evening gathered around the enormovision? Absolutely. SKY HIGH is worth the rental.