Ichi

Remember Zatoichi, the blind swordsman? You know the guy: 27 films, 112 television episodes, and even a Takashi Miike - directed stage production. He’s a masseur, he’s a swordmaster, and he’s the baddest blind dude in the land.

So, what if he had a protégé, something of an adopted daughter, also blind and a goze (a sort of officially sanctioned, blind itinerant musician)? What if they’ve separated and she’s on a quest to find him? What if she gets caught up in a conflict between bandits and villagers? Oh, and what if the actress who plays her is blessed with remarkable beauty?

What we’re talking about here is a 99% chance of awesomness.  Sadly, welcome to the 1%.

The actress appears never to have handled a sword, and she mustn’t even be a very good dancer, because director Fumihiko Sori never shows us a decent duel. We get succession of closeups, sprays of digital blood, and young Ichi’s strangely clean blade returning to its sheath. That’s it. Sure, other characters battle reasonably well, but the film isn’t entitled Other Characters. It’s entitled Ichi, and I don’t think it’s too much to expect for an actress playing a master swordswoman to be able to actually, y’know, handle a katana. But that’s not all. If the protagonist can’t use a blade, the antagonist can’t use his face to convey things like, oh, actual human emotion. All he can do is snarl and laugh menacingly, while trying to look threatening in costumes so silly Elton John would laugh them off the stage.

Ichi seemed like a sure thing, but they dropped the ball. Fortunately, you have 140 other outings of (a very similar) character to enjoy. Have at it.

Mildred Pierce

Holy smokes, what a great movie!

Joan Crawford plays Mildred Pierce in one of her finest performances.  She’s smart, tough, and driven, with just enough blind spots to make her interesting.  It’s such a fine performance because so much of it is Crawford herself – smart, tough, and driven is woven into her DNA.

Here’s the setup:  there’s been a murder.  Crawford’s a suspect.  The interrogation serves as a framing device, giving Crawford the chance to tell us her story and of the events – all of the events – that led up to a fateful night, gunshots, and a man on the floor.

Crawford’s story?  That of a newly-single mother, determined to give her daughters the finer things that she never had.  Pierce never relents in her drive, reveling in its positive consequences (anything  that’ll make a sidekick of Eve Arden is, by definition, a positive consequence) and blinding herself, at least for as long as she can, to the negatives.

This could be melodramatic stuff and, indeed, Mildred Pierce doesn’t shy from melodrama.  But the cast plays it straight, the movie looks fabulous (NOTE: How much better could we all look if only we had Silver-Age lighting directors to illuminate us?), and I found myself, perhaps for the first time in my life, actually rooting for a Joan Crawford character.

Mildred Pierce is just a flat-out terrific picture.  Rumor has it that HBO’s working on a remake, with Kate Winslet in the lead.  While Winslet Can Do No Wrong, she has her work cut out for her.  If the program turns out to be half as good as this film, it’ll be worth watching.