What I Thought About What I Saw: 2007

Since I rarely see movies in the theater, I haven’t had a chance to catch up on the year-end Oscar bait. That said, here are my top and bottom ten for 2007. The competition for “worse” was fierce this year, but “best” was easy, as one film far outpaced the rest.


1. RATATOUILLE
In a year as good for movies as any I can remember, RATATOUILLE shines as a lovely, multilayered story, a compelling argument for criticism, and a remarkable technical achievement. I thought this film was doomed from the first promo reel – who cares about a rat that cooks? Boy, was I wrong. RATATOUILLE does everything right, and it’s a film that with genuine, earnest appeal for every member of its audience. In short, it’s a masterpiece.

2. SUPERBAD
I started laughing about thirty seconds into SUPERBAD, and I didn’t stop until the end credits rolled. Then I went out and discussed the film with friends, and I laughed for another two hours. SUPERBAD’s comedy does not derive from silly costumes or outrageous gags. Rather, it derives from its characters; people who, while comic, still feel authentic. I enjoyed the hell out of my ride with them, and I look forward to taking it again.

3. 1408
In a genre filled with slashers who are no more terrifying than anything else we might read about on the front page of the Washington Post, what a pleasure to find a well-executed ghost story. Not only did 1408 genuinely scare me, but it delivered delicious residual scares on my next hotel stay. I went into this movie with zero expectations. What a pleasant surprise.

4. BLACK BOOK
Say what you will about the moral codes of its characters, BLACK BOOK excels at first creating tension, then ratcheting and ratcheting until our hearts are in our throats. BLACK BOOK works as a thriller, as a study of people under duress, and as an astonishing U.S. debut for Dutch star Carice van Houten. I’d gladly see it again.

5. SURF’S UP
I expected SURF’S UP to be a moderately entertaining kids’ movie about talking penguins. I was surprised and delighted to find that it’s a genuinely funny and creative kids’ movie that had three generations of my family laughing out loud. SURF’S UP is smart, fun, and funny. Combine those qualities with beautiful CGI, and you’ve got yourself a first-class film.

6. ZODIAC
I’ve had it with serial killer movies and police procedurals. I’m not into the fetishization of murder, and there’s no glamour in police work that I can see. It would seem that David Fincher, director of ZODIAC, feels the same. He takes a film that could be serial killer movie, or a simple procedural, and turns it into an examination of the obsession, influence, and the thin, thin margin between historic success and devastating personal failure. ZODIAC captures its time and its people and, though long, races by and never lets go of our imaginations. This is a film that’s well worth seeing.

7. SERAPHIM FALLS
SERAPHIM FALLS is a western that takes westerns seriously. It nails the small details of the Mountain West, and its unique take on pursuit and revenge engages the mind and heart. I believed in Brosnan and Neeson’s characters, I believed in their world, and I couldn’t believe my eyes or ears when John Huston’s daughter showed up and actually said, “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.” This film did not deserve to vanish.

8. BLACK SNAKE MOAN
Here’s another film that disappeared unjustly. I think the whole “Samuel L. Jackson keeps that girl from THE ADDAMS FAMILY chained up in his house” angle didn’t attract the dating crowd, and that was a real shame. BLACK SNAKE MOAN, from the director of HUSTLE & FLOW, represents an authentic voice from the American South telling a story about his people and his world. This film made me reevaluate Christina Ricci and supporting actor Justin Timberlake, and it confirmed Samuel L. Jackson’s status as one of the best American actors (in films where he’s actually paying attention).

9. 300
300 takes “over the top” and goes over its top, giddily piling visual on top of visual as it tells the story of Sparta’s defense of the Hot Gates, a strategic chokepoint, from assault by the vast armies of Persia. 300 loves the movies: it loves lighting, and music, and digital manipulation of image and sound to mine the most effect from every moment of its screen time. Further, it’s educational: before watching this movie, I had no idea that Spartan warriors took regular injections of vitamin B-12.

10. Vitus
VITUS tells the story of a boy so brilliant, not even the film is certain how brilliant he is. With the help of his grandfather, Bruno Ganz, Vitus must find his place in a world not designed for those as remarkable as he. While this movie started like a Swiss rehash of SEARCHING FOR BOBBY FISCHER, it went in a different direction that both surprised and delighted me. Of all the film I’ve seen this year, I’ve made people sit down for only two of them: VITUS and RATATOUILLE. That ain’t bad company.


10. BLADES OF GLORY
An intermittently funny riff on the world of figure skating, BLADES OF GLORY’s premise got stale in the first act. Everything it tries to do, SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER, UNCUT did better with just one song.

9. SMOKIN’ ACES
SMOKIN’ ACES wants to be loud, frenetic, and dazzling. It’s just loud. I didn’t care about any of the characters onscreen, so I didn’t care about the action the film was designed around. SMOKIN’ ACES promises guns, ‘splosions, and plenty of gratuitous nudity. But without characters worth investing in, what’s the point?

8. FANTASTIC FOUR 2: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER
Both this film and the next suffer from the handicap of having been viewed while sitting in Coach on a long transpacific flight: surely not the intended venue for these large-scale, summer blockbusters. Fantastic Four 2 is ok enough, I suppose. It has a few amusing moments, and the world is duly saved, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care about these people.

7. HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX
Not only did I see this one on a plane, but I made the mistake of reading the book just a couple of weeks prior. ORDER OF THE PHOENIX left me focusing mostly on what was left out from the dour, troubling book. Unfortunately, it seems that what was left out was levity. This movie felt like drudgery, not my idea of a good time.

6. THE HOST
THE HOST is a Korean take on the monster movie, and it features a wonderfully realized, legitimately scary monster. Unfortunately, that monster upstages the hero of the movie, a ne’er do well dad frantically searching for his daughter (last seen in the clutches of the beast). Beyond the sympathy of paternity, THE HOST gave me no way to identify with the father, and thus no way to fully engage with the story.

5. SHOOT ‘EM UP
I may be the only guy on Earth who still doesn’t “get” Clive Owen. Sure, I liked him in those BMW shorts, but he has left me cold in every single role in which I’ve seen him since. SHOOT ‘EM UP, a nihilistic thrill ride with a treacly and intellectually dishonest twist-premise, gives us Mr. Owen as a modern gunslinger on an adventure with a body count to rival that of any video game. Here’s another premise that sounds like fun, but the movie’s such an unrelenting downer that it’s more like an hour and a half of bitterness. One bright spot is Paul Giamatti in the villain role to end all villain roles, but one actor cannot save an entire production. What a shame.

4. TMNT
TMNT, apparently entitled for people who can’t yet read the words “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” gives us a bunch of cartoon characters on an adventure. Unfortunately, the move assumes that we already know who these characters are and why we should have a rooting interest in their success. Further, the movie assumes that we should root against the bad guy because he’s, well, the bad guy, without giving us any sense of what makes him so much worse than other conquerors before him. Hey, my kid enjoyed TMNT, but the kids’ movies have something to offer parents, as well. TMNT didn’t bother.

3. BALLS OF FURY
Thanks to BALLS OF FURY, my wife need no longer be jealous of Maggie Q, an actress so overexposed in this movie that she comes out as thin as tissue paper. But that’s a minor quibble. The worst thing about BALLS OF FURY is that it’s a comedy without a single laugh. It sets up ridiculous situations, costumes, and characters, then expects us to laugh because of all the trouble it has gone to. Problem is (and I’m beginning to sense a theme in this post), BALLS OF FURY gives us no one to believe in, no character who seems real enough to invite us to suspend our disbelief and follow him or her on a journey. And when we don’t believe in the characters, even in a broadly comic way, we’ve got nothing. I saw this one for a buck-fifty at a military theater, and I felt that I’d been cheated.

2. EVAN ALMIGHTY
EVAN ALMIGHTY was neck-and-neck with HOT ROD for last place honors, but it takes second place because at least it made me care enough to hate it. EVAN ALMIGHTY is the worst kind of activism-lite bullshit for the masses, a comedy that feels more like a civics lesson given by a really lousy and self-satisfied teacher. It has an utterly predictable, insultingly bland by-the-numbers story, an insulting subtext, and a knowing, superior smirk that makes me want to slap it across the face. Not even the charisma trifecta of Morgan Freeman, John Goodman, and Steve Carell can save this ghastly film. When my kid laughed at it, it made me wonder if he was really my son.

1. HOT ROD
When I was a teenager, I attended a high school production of “Oklahoma!” that starred a girl I wanted to date. After the show, she asked me what I thought. I gave her my honest opinion.

Having learned from that mistake, I now stick to comments like, “I’ve never seen anything like it,” and “Wow! You’ve given me a night to remember!”

But I’m not trying to date anyone associated with HOT ROD. If I had been, I would have stopped after sitting through this woeful waste of time, energy, and resources. HOT ROD isn’t even hateful, like EVAN ALMIGHTY. It’s just painfully dull, like an amateur’s first shot at putting comedy sketches on film. Its jokes fall flat, its lead actors can’t act, and nothing about this film is remotely interesting. Do not see this film.

And that’s it, folks. I can’t wait ‘til the end-of-the-year stuff hits DVD so I can see all the prestige pictures. Even so, I had a hard time whittling all the good 2007 films I’ve seen to just a top ten. Its been a great year for movies, and I look forward to 2008.

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Y’know what I liked about the FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER? Its sense of fun. This film takes plenty of time for gags, and this lightness works toward creating a pleasant, rather innocuous entry in the series.

The Silver Surfer, who actually looks more like a mercury surfer, is an extraterrestrial being who, um, surfs around the galaxy preparing life-bearing planets for consumption at the hands of another, larger extraterrestrial being. When he shows up on Earth, its up to the Fantastic Four, with a combination of help and interference from old nemeses Victor von Doom and some U.S. Army general with Canadian jump wings and jurisdiction in London and Siberia. (Aside: Andre Braugher plays the general. Whenever I see him, I recall the top-notch Iago he played in a production of Othello opposite Avery Brooks. Suffice it to say that Iago is a more interesting character than the stock “military guy as imagined by people who’ve never been in the military” he’s stuck with here.)

That’s a fine setup for a superhero movie, but what makes F2S2 a pleasant time at the movies is the interaction between the members of the Fantastic Four. These people care about one another, and I enjoyed their interactions as they tried to both save the world and lift one another up.

Is F2S2 a particularly good movie? Not really, and I’d skip right by it if I ran across it on a hotel TV. But it’s fine and, if your kids want to watch it, it won’t kill you to sit down and watch it with them. Tepid praise, but praise nonetheless.

The 5 Worst Films of 2005

I haven't had time to see a movie lately, so here's one from the archives:

5. CRASH
I don't require that the films I see have people like those I know in real life. I don't require that they have characters who speak like people I know in real life. I do, however, require that, unless the movies feature balrogs or wookies or toupeed actors screaming "Khaaaaaann!", they have people that could, conceivably, walk the earth.

4. STAR WARS III
Y'know, I just can't get into the STAR WARS prequels. Then again, my father couldn't get into STAR WARS. Time marches on.

3. WAR OF THE WORLDS
Imagine spending two hours watching the end of the world. Now imagine spending two hours watching the end of the world through the eyes of a guy you wish would just die, already. WAR OF THE WORLDS gave us spectacle without character. Without character, of course, we may as well be watching paint dry.

2. FANTASTIC FOUR
I didn't care about Ben Grimm. I didn't care about Victor Von Doom. I didn't care about Mr. Fantastic, Inviso-Girl, or the Human Torch. This movie should have spent less time CGI-ing incredible action sequences and more time CGI-ing a decent script.

1. MINDHUNTERS
This movie is so extraordinarily, aggressively bad that I suspect its creators personally hate each and every single one of us. MINDHUNTERS defies the laws of physics, chemistry, psychology, and the State of Nebraska in its attempt to bring us fun, dumb entertainment. I'll say this much: they got the dumb part right. P.S. I love Iceland and its wonderful, warm, and forgiving people.