The Machine Girl

A Japanese schoolgirl with a prosthetic Gatling gun for an arm takes on the Yakuza.

I’ll just say that again: A Japanese schoolgirl with a prosthetic Gatling gun for an arm takes on the Yakuza.

Reading that, you probably thought one of two things: 

A) Give me a break!

B) Where have you been all my life?

If you fall into Category A, stop reading now.  THE MACHINE GIRL is what you’d expect from a movie about a Japanese schoolgirl with a prosthetic Gatling gun for an arm who takes on the Yakuza.

If you fall into Category B, have I got news for you!  THE MACHINE GIRL is everything you’d expect from a movie about a Japanese schoolgirl with a prosthetic Gatling gun for an arm who takes on the Yakuza!  Dismemberments!  Decapitations!  Destruction of human bodies in ways that defy the imagination!  So much arterial spray that you cannot help but laugh out loud at its sheer and utter awesomness!  Oh, did I mention ninjas?  Not just any ninjas, but a crack junior high school ninjitsu team, complete with Spirit Pyramid?  And at the end, when she winds up with a katana in her hand, you know who forged it: that’s Hanzo steel, baby! 

That’s right.  THE MACHINE GIRL is absolutely awesome.  Comically gory, creepy in ways that only Japanese films can do, and loaded with so many stunts and gags and throwaway references that it becomes Tarantinoesque, THE MACHINE GIRL takes its supercool premise as far as its supercool premise can go.  This is exploitation done right.

If you only see one movie about a Japanese schoolgirl with a prosthetic Gatling gun for an arm who takes on the Yakuza this year, make THE MACHINE GIRL that movie.  It’ll blow you away.