Oz the Great and Powerful

You could play a game during Oz the Great and Powerful called “How baked is James Franco right now?” I swear to God, the guy looks like he's flying high for a good half of the movie's running time.

So, what's it about? Well, Franco plays a low-end carnival magician who doesn't realize he's past his peak attractiveness. When Michelle Williams basically offers to marry him, he's too stupid to realize that there is no better deal around the corner and sends her on her way. So it's about an idiot.

When a tornado hits the carnival and the idiot gets transported to Oz, Mila Kunis basically offers to marry him. Not realizing that God has given him a second chance to settle down with an A-teamer even though he's a few years past his sell-by date, the idiot temporizes. Then, because he's pretty much the luckiest idiot ever, Rachel Weisz puts the moves on him. Ok, so the idiot wasn't an idiot after all: Rachel Weisz was the better deal around the corner. Guess how he responds?

Yep. He's an idiot.

Or not – you'll have to see the movie and decide for yourself. While doing so, enjoy Sam Raimi's unique directorial style (Really, you should see Drag Me to Hell.  Not enough people did.) the pretty colors, the fine supporting work, the expert animation, and playing “How baked is James Franco right now.” If you approach Oz the Great and Powerful in the right frame of mind, you'll have an idiotic good time.

Chicken Little

If CHICKEN LITTLE is set in middle America, why does the dad speak with a thick Brooklyn accent? The film establishes that said dad went to the same high school as the eponymous chicken, so ya think the accent might have dulled a bit around the edges, ya know? And here's another question: if you're Disney and you're making a decidedly average movie, do you really want to start it with references to THE LION KING and RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK? Those are some pretty challenging points of reference you're putting out there.

Welcome to my inner monologue as I sit on the couch and watch CHICKEN LITTLE with my seven-year-old, who thinks it's hilarious.

Well, I'm not seven, and this movie had nothing to offer me. It had all the subtlety of a 2x4 to the nose, its music was forgettable, and its characterizations were the epitome of "meh." Am I saying that CHICKEN LITTLE is a bad movie? No, not really. I'm just saying that it's remarkably average. Sure, spend an hour and a half on the couch with it and your kids. But bring a magazine.