Naked Weapon

There's a movie out there called SO CLOSE. Corey Yuen directed it, and it stars Qi Shu, Wei Zhao, and Karen Mok. It's your basic "hot Chinese assassin" movie, and it's one of the best popcorn pictures there is. It has an interesting story; beautifully choreographed fight scenes; and Qi Shu, Wei Zhao, and Karen Mok. This movie does everything right: it's glossy, cheesy, and playful. It's the GONE WITH THE WIND of "hot Chinese assassin" movies.

And then there's NAKED WEAPON, released just two months after SO CLOSE. Directed by Siu-Tung Ching, it stars Maggie Q, Anya, and Jewel Lee. It's another "hot Chinese assassin" movie (Is this a bona fide subgenre? Perhaps I should investigate!), but it's downright terrible. NAKED WEAPON barely even has a story; its fight scenes practically define the word "lame;" and it stars Maggie Q, Anya, and Jewel Lee. If SO CLOSE is the GONE WITH THE WIND of "hot Chinese assassin" movies, this is the CANNONBALL RUN: uninspired, mechanical, and dull.
Here's the story: evil Madame M kidnaps 40 13-yr-old girls, dresses them up like Lara Croft, and puts them through five years of grueling training. Those who survive become the world's elite assassins, taking out the planet's hardest targets while bathing one another in longing gazes guaranteed to ignite the imaginations of 15-yr-old boys and bore the hell out of everyone else. But, of course, the FBI and CIA are hot on their tails, which is surprising: I had no idea that the PRC was so accomodating toward U.S. law enforcement and intelligence agencies.

So you've got your chases and your stunts and your fights and your sublimated lesbianism and your budding romance and all that crap, but none of it goes anywhere, none of it makes any sense, and none of it passes for entertainment. Charisma vacuum Maggie Q is no Qi Shu, and proves herself utterly incapable of anchoring a movie; even a cheesy popcorner like this one's trying to be. Siu-Tung Ching doesn't know how to make wirework look good, he doesn't know how to choreograph gravity-based effects, and he's even more in love with the windblown look than the guys who made KRRISH. Plus, he's a moron. How do you put Pei-pei Cheng in your picture and not give her a good fight?

NAKED WEAPON may -may- appeal to the aforementioned 15-yr-old boys, but I wouldn't even recommend it to one of them. If you've got a fever, and the only thing that'll cure it is a "hot Chinese assassin" movie, rent SO CLOSE. It's superior in every way. As for NAKED WEAPON, give it a pass. Watching this movie is like having your spine ripped out: you won't feel a thing.

Dragons Forever

Man oh man, I love me some old-school Jackie Chan movies.

DRAGONS FOREVER puts Chan, Samo Hung, and Biao Yuen together in a workmanlike story about three bad guys who must find their souls through kicking people in the face. Chan plays a slick defense attorney, Hung and Yuen play his gangster buddies, and that's the last you're going to hear from me about the story.

Because really, when you see that Samo Hung and Corey Yuen co-directed the picture, is your very next thought, "I hope the story is a penetrating exploration of the human condition"? No. It's, "How are the stunts?"

Well, let me tell you: the stunts are awesome, and Hung and Yuen know how to film them. Instead of quick cuts, we get takes that are long enough to confirm that real people are actually doing the things we see onscreen. Jackie does some found stuntwork involving chairs and stairs that will have you rewinding and stepping through in slow motion just so you can dig on it. Hung and Yuen do some slapstick fighting that's actually a marvel of tightly choreographed performance. Innumerable anonymous stuntment pull off falls that'll make you go, "Oof!"

You know what? See DRAGONS FOREVER with one finger on the fast-forward button. The story is disposable and uninteresting, but the stunts make it worth speeding through it. If you enjoy watching top athletes at the top of their game, this movie's for you.