Road House

God help me, I actually liked ROAD HOUSE.

I'd been avoiding this movie for years, but it just wouldn't go away. By the looks of it, ROAD HOUSE had all the markings a lame action picture: GYMKATA with beer. So why didn't it die the quiet death of, say, BLACK DOG? My guess is that it's so awful that it's actually pretty good: Patrick Swayze dances his way to victory, Ben Gazzara intimidates townspeople with monster truck fu, Sam Elliott does his schtick with roughly half a moustache, and Kevin Tighe doesn't turn out to be the bad guy for perhaps the first time since "Emergency!"

Here's the setup: Tighe hires Swayze, a legendary bouncer, to clean up his road house and make it a going concern. Naturally, Swayze turns out to have a graduate degree in philosophy (What, you thought those guys got real jobs after graduation?), is a martial artist, and likes to do tai chi in the minimum possible clothing. Swayze's getting the bar staff under control is actually the most fun part of the movie: he's doing his best Louis Gosset Jr., shaping up the crew while intoning that "People don't want to come to a bloodbath." Before you know it, he's turned Tighe's funky little beer-and-a-shot joint into a soulless meat market, decorated in high '80s style. Then, of course, Swayze's butting heads with the local racketeer and monster truck fu afficionado, stuff is blowing up real good, Sam Elliott's providing guidance, and Kelly Lynch (aka the local ER doc) is swooning all over the new marshall in town.

Does that setup sound familiar to you? Yeah, it's basically half the westerns ever made, with the clever substitution of quasi-Asian philosophical mumbo jumbo and really bad synth music for stoicism and harmonicas. So, what's to like? The fights are a hoot, with all concerned appearing to be more concerned with not breaking a nail than putting the hurt on their opponents. The dialogue is corny and fun, the story beats comfortingly predictable, and the train clatters resolutely to its station, hitting every beat and and ending with a laugh.

Actually, the more I think about ROAD HOUSE, the less I find to like about it. But, there it is. Would I go out of my way to watch ROAD HOUSE again? No. Would I change the channel if I came across it in a hotel room somewhere? Probably not. It's cheesy, it's fun, it's kinda lame but, for whatever reason, it grew on me. Your mileage may vary.