You Don't Mess with the Zohan

YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN is a shocking movie. It's actually funny.

I know, I know. It shouldn't be. The ads made it look like a vanity piece for a suddenly insecure Adam Sandler. It prominently features Rob Schneider. It's vulgar.

But, hey, the first act has several laugh-out-loud moments. The second act is strangely sweet. And when the third act realizes its jokes are getting old, it blows up a lot of stuff real good. Oh, and did I mention John Turturro?

Here's the hook: Zohan is an Israeli superdupersoldier. He tires of fighting, fakes his own death, and moves to America to follow his dream of becoming a hairdresser. From there, the movie is kind of a gentle rehash of COMING TO AMERICA, with equal helpings cultural and sexual humor. Here's the surprise: Sandler actually sells it, making this his funniest picture since THE WATERBOY. His Zohan is confident and insecure, sweet and vulgar, a whole lotta fun.

And Turturro, as his Palestinian nemesis The Phantom, is utterly unhinged. Here's the thing about Turturro: he can be a fine, nuanced actor in stuff like THE LUZHIN DEFENSE; he can also roll into high caricature and chew scenery with the best of them. Here, he's in full caricature mode, creating an antagonist so silly that every moment on screen feels like a great time.

I was not expecting to enjoy YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN, but I'm glad I fired it up. What a pleasant surprise.

The Hot Chick

I'm wrestling with an ethical conundrum. Is it ok to post comments on a film you haven't seen all the way through?

After suffering through the first fifteen minutes of THE HOT CHICK, I came to believe that Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, and even the fine-in-THE NOTEBOOK Rachel McAdams not only personally hated me, but were actively seeking to destroy my family. I remember sitting in my basement, stunned, not sure whether to be more horrified by what I was seeing on the screen or the fact that my wife and older son were both laughing out loud. For the first time in my married life, the open road beckoned ...

So I went upstairs and did the dishes. What, I'm going to run away in a Ford station wagon?

But I don't know if this counts as an actual contribution. Maybe the movie gets better. Maybe it eclipses DUCK SOUP in inspired comedy. Maybe watching it all the way through is like reaching out one's hand and touching the face of God.

But I doubt it.

THE HOT CHICK opens with prologue whose production values make the BABYLON 5 pilot look like THE SOPRANOS. Then it takes us to the present, Rachel McAdams, and an act of cruelty so vicious that it provoked burning hatred in my heart. That's right - burning hatred for Rachel McAdams, in a comedy! And yet there was my wife, laughing right along at her later antics, blithely delighting in the petty cruelty of McAdams and her posse. Before you know it, we're suffering through Adam Sandler putting in a cameo in which his greatest contribution is to recycle an old SNL bit that wasn't funny the first several times. So much entertainment, and Rob Schneider, the supposed star (who didn't even bother to shower for the benefit of the crew), hasn't even shown up yet!

When he does show up, wait'll you see him drink a Slurpee straight from the dispenser! It's comedy gold! I'll tell you, when my boy laughed, it felt like a betrayal. "I've shown you YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN! We've laughed together over STEAMBOAT BILL, JR.! Now this? Who are you and what have you done with my son?"

Oh, no, now I'm beginning to hammer away at the keyboard. I may not be able to get my mind back on my work. Not only has THE HOT CHICK already threatened the fabric of my family, now it's trying to ruin my job. This movie is evil, I tell you. Evil!

The Waterboy

THE WATERBOY, a vintage Adam Sandler comedy from his “inappropriately aggressive man-child” phase, is an underdog sports comedy that has the titular water boy fired from LSU and sent to work at Louisiana’s last-place football college. Soon, he discovers a talent for sacking quarterbacks and makes the team, despite the fact that he seems to have an IQ of roughly 50. This movie works because it will do anything, absolutely anything, for a laugh. Think watching Fairuza Balk bite the heads off a baby ‘gator on a stick is funny? It’s in there! Think ‘70s fashion and hairstyles are funny? They’re in there! Think guys with crazy eyes and silly voices are funny? Well, you get the point.

Some of THE WATERBOY’s gags are funny, but most aren’t. However, seeing as how there’s roughly a gag a minute in this picture, you’re sure to find a several that’ll make you chuckle and, hopefully, one or two that will make you laugh out loud. That ain’t bad.